Twisting By The Pool

Last week, Vickie asked how I managed the swimsuit situation. The answer is really "with some difficulty". Swimwear is, by it's nature, fairly revealing and the material doesn't give you much room to hide. Furthermore, I have found that even halter styles, which are great for me in gym wear, are often cut too low on the side to hide my scars. I bought two swimsuits the summer after my mastectomy: a one piece and a bikini. The bikini has had much more wear. It turns out that separates are easier for most types of clothes post-mastectomy!

This is my one-piece. I fell in love with the pattern and figured that the padding in the cups and the ruffles would hide my chest. However, wearing it on a number of occasions has revealed a few problems.

1. The ruffles only hide my chest if they are sitting a particular way. If the water sweeps them aside, all bets are off. So I end up constantly rearranging the top to prevent inadvertent scar exposure. At some level, I think anyone trying to look down my top probably deserves what they get, but I don't feel like being forced to deal with other people's sensitivities because of a wardrobe malfunction. I have read a suggestion that net bath scrubbies can be used to fill out the cups of swimwear and I may give that a try in order to get the back of the cup to sit tightly against my chest wall.

2. I needed to size down in this to get the right fit across the chest. Unfortunately, because I am fairly tall, this has resulted in the body being a bit short for me so I am often pulling the suit up or down.

Here is my bikini. Now, this is more skin than I have exposed since my 20's but this suit is far more practical than the one-piece. The top completely hides my scars. The gathering and a small amount of padding prevents the fabric from clinging and sticking to skin that is a bit bumpy around the scars.  I swim in this very comfortably and don't have to worry about fabric shifting or exposing my chest. The down-side is that it exposes a lot of the rest of my body.

In practice, I tend to wear the bikini in the pool at home or on the beach where everyone else is similarly dressed and I can blend in with the crowd. If I am invited to someone's home where swimming or a spa is planned, I will take the one-piece, especially if there are people there who I don't know well or if there are men present. I have noticed that rash-suits are starting to become more common and that is certainly a practical option both in terms of coverage and sun-protection. I will look into that possibility next summer, but as the warm days draw to an end I will try and get as much wear as I can from the choices I already have. Ultimately, it is about balancing comfort and exposure and doing what feels right for you.

Twisting By The Pool by Dire Straits

Beautiful Darling

This week, my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I have spent more than half my life with him now but I think that in this period of our lives we are having more fun together than we have since we were first married. No longer having the pressure of raising small children, having a home where we have put down roots, having jobs that we both enjoy and a sharpened awareness of how easy it would be to lose each other, has resulted in us appreciating the things that we each bring to the relationship in a much deeper way. So although I am posting an outfit today, you will also have to tolerate my musing on a quarter of a century of marriage.

                                                     Top:Veronika Maine
                                                     Jeans: Just Jeans
                                                     Sandals: Wittner
This top has two layers, with the overlay having gathering at the neck. There is a lot of fabric and I was concerned that is was slightly overwhelming, but it is  quite light and I think the volume works well if paired with more structured bottoms as I have done here.

Here is a closer view of the neckline of the top and a snap of the "25" charm my husband bought me as an anniversary gift. He received the traditional wedding anniversary present of a home-made lemon meringue pie. I would have taken a photo, but 2 days later very little remains!

When we got married, we stood before our family and friends and made a series of promises that neither of us knew we would be able to keep. "For richer or poorer" is possibly not a big stretch when you are a 22 year old student and have never had a lot of money, but the reality of "in sickness and in health" is almost unimaginable to young, fit, healthy people who have never suffered anything more serious than a cold. Likewise, there is a happy naivety in promising "in good times and in bad" without having any understanding of how bad things could be.

However, I think those vows expressed not only blind (some would say foolish) optimism, but also a faith in each other. Faith that our spouse would be there, even when our world was falling apart. Belief that we had the strength to face whatever troubles life brought to our door. Trust that our love and commitment to each other would be enough. And so far, it has been. Thank you, my beautiful darling, for believing in us.

Beautiful Darling by Kate Miller-Heidke

Firework

Happy New Year to you all! Because we are old and boring, we spent New Year's Eve watching the second series of Borgen, and got up headache-free on New Years Day to lift weights in a nearly empty gym. I was looking at my blog post from this time last year and have realised that many things have changed in the past 12 months, mostly for the better. Cancer and mastectomy place some pretty significant strains on relationships. Embodiment, self image and sexuality all take a hit in such a radical alteration of appearance and sadly, negotiating a way through that takes work and pain. Happily, it appears that my year of difficult conversations is over and I am looking forward to the joys and challenges of 2015.

                                                   Shirt and pants: Veronika Maine

                                                    Sandals: Wittner

These are pants I bought on sale at the end of winter and they are perfect for those days when it is a little too cool for shorts. I love the pleated,  80's style of the front. The shirt is boxy and cropped, one of my new favourite silhouettes and has a subtle floral self-pattern. One of the recommendations I have read for disguising a flat chest has been to wear a busily patterned top, a tall order for someone who loves neutrals and plains. I think this is an excellent compromise.

It is common at this time of year to make promises to oneself about making changes to your life. One of the suggestions on the Precision Nutrition  Facebook feed has been to choose a word to encapsulate your goals for the year, rather than a resolution that may or may not be kept. I love this idea, and have chosen the word "presence". Living in the moment and enjoying the present is something I find difficult, but probably the practice that will most enrich my life this year.  Worrying about the future and regretting the past are ultimately futile activities and I really don't have enough time to waste it on things that are neither productive nor fulfilling.What will your word for this year be?

Firework by Katy Perry

Dress You Up

I am a big fan of dresses. I love the femininity and elegance of wearing a dress and it is hard to beat the ease of a dress and heels for a special occasion. Unfortunately, I have found it hard to find dresses I feel good in. The majority of them are definitely made for curves. I thought I would show you a new dress that I do feel  good in, and which I think works well with a straight body. This was my birthday present from my husband. The fabric is lovely and the simplicity of the style really appeals to me.

 

Dress:ScanlonTheodore

Shoes:Wittner

This is another example of clothing that does not disguise my chest. I like the smoothness and drape of the fabric and the contrast between the volume at the back and the straightness at the front. I wore this to a work Christmas party and felt quite stylish. I have also experimented a little with accessories and layers for the days when I am feeling a little less brave about my body shape.

I have showed you this crop top once before, and I usually wear it with skirts, but I am happy with how it looks over this dress also. Having it as an option provides me with a bit of extra choice and versatility in how I present myself. Sometimes, I don't want the flatness of my chest to be so obvious and a crop rescues me from that concern.

Do you like dresses? And if so, are there styles that especially appeal to you?

Dress You Up by Madonna

Hero

Summer has well and truly arrived in Brisbane, so I have had a chance to wear almost all my summer clothes. One exercise I have found especially interesting and enlightening has been tracking what I wear and seeing how much of what I bought last summer was on the right track. I am not so interested in skirts and pants, as they are easy to fit. What I particularly wanted to discover were the heroes amongst my tops. A sad consequence of the heat of summer is more frequent washing, and some of my favourites are starting to show a little wear. My plan was to determine exactly what styles I should be looking for when I eventually replace them. I have used jeans as the bottom in all the photos so as to provide a level playing-field for the battle of the tops!

Cocoon styles: These have been the big surprise for me. I bought one on a whim, and have found the style to be a workhorse.  They go with a wide variety of bottoms, have both enough detail and enough simplicity to satisfy my aesthetic preferences and create a flattering, long body line that makes a virtue of being breastless. Verdict: A permanent place in my wardrobe

Crops: I have spoken before about my love of the crop. I have a number, in different lengths. Whilst I enjoy my short crops for layering, they are not as versatile the ones that fall more into the short tops category. My favourite from last year is long enough to be worn without exposing midriff and has got a lot of love from me again this year. Verdict: The love affair continues

Trapeze shapes: This was the style I thought would work best when I was re-stocking my wardrobe after my surgery and I bought 3 in different patterns, but to be honest they haven't had as much wear this year. Partly this is because they are all patterned, and I am feeling much happier in plains and neutrals currently. However, I think there are also fabric and fit issues. One top is a bit static-y and clings, which negates the trapeze effect. And the other just feels the wrong length and I struggle with getting the proportions right. Verdict: Replace carefully and only when tried on with bottoms I already own.

Pleated straight styles: I have two of these, and so far have only worn them to layer under my crops. I feel like they are the least interesting and least flattering of my tops. Verdict: Not to be replaced.

Of course, I have a few tops that fit into none of the above categories, but it has been helpful to me to look at my current usage and see both how my style has evolved and how I might prioritise replacement of items as they wear out. What are your wardrobe heroes?

Hero by Enrique Inglesias

Straight Lines

Oh, internet, I love you so! Never leave me again! It is nice to be connected and back to normal once more. I was trying to decide what to show you this week, and realised that there were a few tops that I have had for several months that have not made it onto my blog yet. This one is a particular favourite of my husbands, much to my suprise, as it does not give the illusion of shape or curves at all. He tells me that he thinks it is very elegant, so I am happy to run with that.

                              Top: Cue                                                      Shorts:Country Road
                              Skirt:Carla Zampatti                                    Sandals:Wittner
                              Shoes:Wittner
This is how I have worn it over the last fortnight, both for work and casually.I especially like it with a pencil skirt, as I think it plays into the 1920's feel that works so nicely for a flat chest. I have also worn it with the pink culottes I showed you a few weeks ago.

 I have mentioned before how much I like tops with a bit of interest and detail. In this case, the detail is at the back, with a cocoon style drape. It is quite similar to my black cocoon top, but I think the thicker fabric and stricter styling makes it a bit dressier. This is certainly a situation of dressing to accentuate rather than disguise body shape, but straight lines do have a certain restraint and simplicity that are appealing in their own right. You have probably realised by now that I am neither restained nor elegant, but I love that fashion allows me to pretend that I am!

What fashion persona do you choose to project?

Straight Lines by Silverchair

I'll Change Your Mind

One of the joys and the challenges of being married is compromise. Joyful, because it gives me the opportunity to understand and accommodate another person's viewpoint and to soften some of my own sharp edges and certainties. Challenging because there is sometimes a fine line between allowing another person to influence me and sacrificing something that is central to my sense of self. Happily, one area that has been easy to compromise in has been that of clothing. I have moved to wearing neutrals over the last 12 months, but when I asked my husband what outfits he preferred, it became clear that he likes me to wear bright colours and patterns.
I mostly dress to please myself, but I do particularly enjoy it if my husband like what I am wearing.

                                                           Dress:Veronika Maine
                                                           Shoes: Wittner
This is the dress I chose this summer in an attempt to please both of us. The fabric is very soft and cool and feels lovely in the heat we have experienced recently. I also enjoy the fullness of the skirt as it feels quite feminine. The high neck works well and the loose style is one that I think is particularly suited to a flat chest. As for the colour, I have come to quite enjoy the bright and cheerful effect of the vivid colours. Putting it on feels like a little holiday after a long stretch of wearing neutrals. This has been one compromise that has been joyful and it is possible that my husband may even have changed my mind!

Do you have any styles that you have changed your mind about?

I'll Change Your Mind by Kate Miller-Heidke ( Warning!Video is not for the squeamish!)

Blurred Lines

I had to see my oncologist this week for my routine check-up. I always experience a bit of a dilemma about what to wear to these appointments and I was trying to work out why this might be so.  It is a fairly anxiety-provoking experience for me, and I think I may displace some of those feelings onto my wardrobe. However, I also realised I actually have quite high expectations of my clothes in this situation.

I want to look neat and professional, so that rules out anything too casual or revealing. I want to be comfortable. I also want to choose clothes that don't make me look too obviously flat-chested. I hate the idea of people in the waiting room being able to see immediately why I am there. I'm also aware that at some point during the consultation, I am going to be taking my clothes off and that further narrows down what I can wear. Dresses are impractical, given that I only have to expose my torso, so I need to choose separates. Outfits with multiple fastenings or difficult-to-reach zips or lots of layers are out. Add in wanting to be able to walk up a couple of flights of stairs in the hospital car park and having to plan for the temperature uncertainties of air-conditioning in waiting rooms and I end up needing to consider outfit practicalities far more than usual.

                                                               Top:Cue
                                                               Culottes:Veronika Maine
                                                               Sandals:Joanne Mercer
This is what I went with. The top is my favourite from last year.  It sits away from my body and hides the shape of my chest in a way I feel comfortable with. The coated fabric insulates against cold air, but the back is floaty and soft. The culottes are new and now that my moratorium on pink has expired, I am enjoying wearing them. All the swishy fun of a skirt, but with the practicality and warmth of pants. And a low heel. Easy to wear, easy to put on and take off and suitable for walking around the hospital. This time, blurring the lines between practical and pretty came out well.

Do you have situations where you have competing priorities in what you want from your clothes? How do you resolve them?

Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke

Holy Grail

Christmas is drawing ever closer, and I am starting to receive invitations to the parties and get-togethers that always happen at this time of year. I agonised a bit over what to wear to some of the more dressy parties. Before my mastectomy, it was easy to find a suitably glamorous dress to squeeze myself into but dresses have become a bit tricky now. Party dresses in particular seem to be designed to emphasise curves and cleavage and I have discovered that finding dresses that look good is a much greater challenge than finding separates.

This is the party dress I settled on for this year. My husband calls it "The Princess Dress" and I have to say that I feel like a princess when I put it on. After many disappointments trying on dresses, there is something quite magical about wearing a dress that I feel beautiful in.

Dress: Carla Zampatti

Shoes:Wittner

Clutch:Mimco (birthday present!)

 

I have had a few realisations in my search though and you may find some of my discoveries helpful:

*Part of the glamour of party dresses for me is they are a bit sexy. They show skin. Or are body con enough to reveal a shape. So I chose a dress that showed my shoulders and arms. But really, you could apply those ideas in any way - a cinched waist, an open back, a column skirt, anything that makes you feel good about your body.

*The styles I have found most friendly to a flat chest have been trapeze styles (which have the added advantage of disguising a tummy) and shift styles. Shifts are especially good if you are fairly straight and slim as they fall straight from the shoulder and give a really lovely 1920's vibe which is very simple and elegant. The key is to pick a beautiful fabric that drapes well and moves with your body as you move. I also think  a grecian-style dress that falls from gathers around the neckline and shoulders would work well, although I haven't come across that in a dressy fabric in my searches to date.

*This is the time for heels! if you only wear them once a year, a Christmas party is the time to break them out.

I hope you all have a blast as the festive season fills up your calendars.

Do you have an outfit Holy Grail that you have been searching for?

Holy Grail by Hunters and Collectors

Substitute

I didn't have an outfit to show you last week. I had minor surgery and spent the week recovering, so you would have been treated to the uninspiring vision of me in my pyjamas! However, this week I am back and feeling good. My two boys took me out for lunch for my birthday and being a proud mother, I have to show you how gorgeous they are! A good time was had by all.

This week, I wanted to show you a work-around I came up with that I felt pretty pleased with. One of the trends I have noticed in all the shops this season has been jumpsuits and playsuits. I quite like the look but unfortunately, as with dresses, there are a fairly limited number of styles that will work with a flat chest. And because playsuits are still a fairly new trend, there wasn't a huge selection and none worked for me. However, it occurred to me that I could approximate the look by choosing shorts and a top in the same colour fabric. That way, I can choose whatever top style I wanted.

Top:Cue

Shorts:Country Road

Shoes:Wittner

These were my favourite shorts last summer and the love affair continues as the weather heats up here. The overall effect of the outfit is quite blocky and straight, but I actually don't mind that in this case. I think it plays into the loose, carefree, child-like vibe of a playsuit and it is definitely comfortable and cool.

I don't wear all black very often, because it doesn't really suit my skin. However, with a fairly young style of outfit like this, the black adds a bit more sophistication than I could have achieved with a lighter colour or a print. I have tried to compensate with bright earrings and lipstick. The top is new this Spring.  I think the double layer and the pleats over the chest are quite flattering, and I love the coloured lining. I feel a bit like I've stepped out of a Dracula movie. Anyway, I was happy with how this turned out and I have decided this outfit will be my playsuit substitute.

Do you use substitutes for styles that don't work for you?

Substitute by The Who

One Perfect Day

Today is my birthday. I don't know what 47 is supposed to feel like, but I definitely feel younger than how I thought it would feel, if that makes sense. I still feel strong and vital and engaged with my life. And perhaps more importantly, I feel more like me than at any other time before. I'm not sure if it is the process of ageing, or the effect of having a life threatening disease but I feel confident in who I am, I trust the choices I make and I love my body despite the scars.

I had a look at a few of my blog entries from this time last year and realised that I feel so much happier and more confident with my clothes choices now, too. When my surgery was fresh and I first had a new body to dress, I was so terrified that nothing would look good that I wore anything that worked, without thinking too much about how it fitted into my personal style. Now I have realised firstly that lots of things work and secondly, that the world will not stop turning if I look flat-chested. Those two realisations have allowed to be be much more discerning in my choices and led to me buying clothes that I truly love.

                                                                  Top: Cue
                                                                  Pants:Country Road
                                                                  Shoes:Wittner
I wore this outfit today, and felt great. It contains the neutral tones that I love, simple pants and a top with enough detail and interest to draw attention from my chest. And the heels and lipstick provide the femininity to balance the trousers. There's something magical about wearing an outfit that truly feels like "you".

I have a collection of memories of perfect moments, when I have been aware of feeling completely content and happy. They are mostly simple: sitting in the sun reading, lying in bed with my husband, listening to music at a bar. Today, reflecting on the beautiful life that I have and the wonderful people in it, I collected another one. Do you have memories of a perfect day?

One Perfect Day by Little Heroes (LOVE the 80's clothes!)