Your Friends Will Tell You Who You Are

I have a group of friends from University who have remained in touch for the past decade and a half. Every year, we have a weekend away together, with a prize, "The Cumquat Cup", being awarded for the most entertaining or outrageous behaviour. Last year we did not manage to get together; the combination of young families and new babies, stressful new jobs and health issues conspired against us. However this year we are making up for lost time with a weekend in Canberra for the Floriade festival, so I thought I would show you my weekend-away.

One of the themes often discussed on the forum at YouLookFab is the problem of buying clothes for your fantasy life - the life you wish you led but actually don't. The good news for me is that this whole weekend is the fantasy life I have in mind when I choose clothes -sitting around talking and drinking wine, frequenting cafes and restaurants and maybe even catching some live music.

Floriade. I wanted something comfortable with plenty of eating room. Leggings and jumper are optional, depending on the weather. Comfy shoes are a must.

So my final tally: 1 pair of jeans, 1 skirt, 1 dress, 2 tops, 2 jumpers, 2 pair of shoes and a coat.

One of the wonderful things about this weekend will be the freedom to present myself without reference to anyone's expectations. My friends love and accept me whatever I wear, and in a strange city I am unlikely to meet acquaintances unexpectedly and so have no need to dress for that possibility. I plan to enjoy every minute of my fantasy life.  Do you have a fantasy life you wish you could dress for?

Your Friends Will Tell You Who You Are by Kate Miller-Heidke

In These Shoes?

One of the ideas that has captured my imagination over the last 12 months has been that of the capsule wardrobe. I really like the idea of having collections of items that work together, are appropriate for the activities of my life and express my style in a cohesive way. I have enjoyed reading the blog Unfancy, as I think Caroline has great style, and manages to achieve all those things with a carefully chosen seasonal wardrobe. Seeing her outfits has allowed me to realise that my heart belongs to neutrals, and I resolved to attempt to organise my own wardrobe along the lines she suggests. I find casual dressing quite difficult, and I hoped the Unfancy inspiration would help me put together some stylish weekend outfits.

Shirt:Anne Fontaine

Pants:Country Road

Shoes:Wittner

This was my first attempt. I liked the colours. I liked the silhouette. It felt easy to wear. Yet somehow it just didn't feel right. So I tried switching out the shirt for a pleated tank.

                                                              Tank: Country Road

I felt so much better wearing this, and it suddenly occurred to me that the first look was quite androgynous. Trousers and button-downs are not very feminine and it seems that I need a big dose of feminine in my outfits for them to feel like they belong to me. But what about my button-downs? One of advantages of having a flat chest is that for the first time in my adult life, I can actually wear button-downs without them gaping and looking blowsy. I really didn't want to abandon them!

Skirt: Veronika Maine

Luckily, I found that one or two feminine aspects to an outfit are enough to make me feel happy in my clothes. At last, the origin of my love of high heels becomes apparent! What parts of your style are central in making your outfits feel like "you"?

In These Shoes? by Kirsty MacColl

Silver Linings

This week I experienced a major clothing disappointment. One of my favourite stores, Cue, had a 30% off day and there, on the rack, was the most beautiful dress. It was similar to the one Marilyn Monroe wore in "Seven Year Itch", except it had a crew neck and I briefly got excited that it might work for me. The scene in the movie where Marilyn stands over a grate is the definition of sexy in my husband's world and I had visions of surprising him. Unfortunately, the bodice had princess seams which just looked silly without breasts to fill them, so I sadly put the dress back on the rack. And then sulked about how unfair life is.

I usually manage to be much more accepting of what works and what doesn't. When I had breasts, there were many clothes that I couldn't wear, either because I couldn't squeeze my breasts into them or they were designed to be worn without a bra, or they would have shown cleavage. So today I decided I would celebrate my new body by showing you a few outfits that I love and that I never could have worn before my mastectomy.

                                                      
                                                          Top: Carla Zampatti
                                                          Pants: Cue

One of the advantages of having a flat chest is that it is easier to get away with showing a bit of skin without it looking like a sexual display. I would never have worn this before: the visible bra issue and the display of cleavage would have felt too much. This top makes it quite obvious that I have no breasts, so it feels less revealing than it actually is and I feel confident and comfortable wearing it.

 

This  next outfit reminds me of being a small child in the 70's when my mother dressed me in trouser suits.
 I  previously avoided tops or dresses without structure at the waist, as they would tend to fall straight down from my bust and make me look like I was wearing a tent. A flat chest allows the triangular shape of the dress to become obvious and provides a gamine look that I would never have achieved in a million years before my surgery.

                                                         Dress: Cue
                                                         Pants: Cue
The conclusion I have come to is that no matter what your body type, some things will work and some won't. Looking for the silver lining by choosing clothes that make you look and feel great can be a powerful tool in accepting and loving your body. Do you have styles you can wear now that you couldn't in the past?

Silver Linings by Kacey Musgraves

The First Cut Is The Deepest

A few weeks ago, I mentioned how much I was enjoying the crop top trend and my intention to buy a few more of them. It's quite exciting to me to discover a silhouette I feel so comfortable in and it brings back fond memories of my adolescence when I wore them the first time around. I spent the weekend doing a bit of sewing so I thought I would show you the result of my efforts and the two crop tops that I have added to my original one from last year.

                                             Skirt:Veronika Maine
                                             Crop: Veronika Maine
                                             Shoes: Wittner
This is a skirt I wore a lot in summer last year. When I tried it on this week, I still liked it but it felt a bit short. It seems that my eye has become more accustomed to midi skirts and the proportions just looked wrong to me. I spent a chunk of Saturday sewing a wide piece of lace edging to the bottom of the skirt, giving it a bit more length. I was really pleased with how this turned out. This is the crop top I showed you a few weeks ago, when I layered it over a long top. It is just long enough to be worn on it's own without exposing any skin, so today it is going solo.

                                                Crop: Carla Zampatti
This is my new crop, which I have had on layby for the past 6 weeks. I was so excited to get it home. It is much shorter and I am wearing it as a layering piece over a camisole. It feels so pretty and feminine and I love the textural element of the fabric.

I was trying to analyse what it is about crop tops that is so appealing to me, and I have concluded that they perform a number of valuable services: they cover up my chest and provide me with a sense of privacy and protection, they allow me to expose my waist and project a feminine shape even in the absence of breasts and they give me the opportunity to add interest  to some of my plainer, simpler outfits. And perhaps the first time we wear a fashion  in our younger years leaves an indelible impression that we never fully leave behind. Do you have any fashions from your youth that you still truly, madly, deeply love?

The First Cut Is The Deepest by Cat Stevens

Father's Day

This has been a very busy weekend for me. Sunday was Father's Day and also my eldest son's 23rd birthday. I tell my husband that I am a pretty fabulous gift-giver. Not many men get a son for Father's Day! The other fun thing happening at the moment is the Brisbane Writer's Festival and on Sunday we spent the day there listening to some fascinating panel discussions and talks. I wanted to wear something comfortable and loose, but also a little dressy because we planned to go out for dinner afterwards.

                                                                 Pants and T-shirt -Veronika Maine
                                                                 Scarf-Mimco
                                                                 Shoes-Joanne Mercer
This is a little brighter than I normally wear, but I like the happy, arty vibe. These pants are from last summer. They are very soft and loose and extremely comfortable for both listening and eating! I wore a scarf across my chest which turned out to be fortuitous as the breeze was quite cool and the extra layer was welcome. I bought this short jacket this month and really like the cropped style and the warmth it provides as we slowly transition to Spring.

                                                                Jacket-Veronika Maine
After the Writer's Festival, we went out to Harajuku Gyoza for dumplings and sake, and then for ice-cream. It was lovely to have my family together. We all took turns at telling a story or fond memory about the birthday boy, much to his embarrassment, but I hope that the evening will become a fond memory for him. Here is a photo of him enjoying his birthday dinner.

How did you celebrate Father's Day?

Father's Day by Weddings, Parties, Anything

With Or Without You

I had an interesting experience whilst on blogging hiatus and I would like to share it with you. There sometimes seems be an ideological divide on the issue of wearing prosthetics. I understand the idea of accepting your body the way it is and perhaps contibuting to the acceptance of body diversity and the meaning of femininity by going flat in public. However, I also appreciate the deep sense of loss that some women feel and the vulnerability that presenting such an altered appearance might require for them.  I really had no firm views either way: I go flat because it is comfortable, simple and most of the time I feel good about how I look. However, after a discussion with my husband I decided I would be fitted for prostheses, and see how I felt about them.

I went to Spirit of Life boutique, a specialist mastectomy store and I can certainly recommend them for providing very personal and caring service. I ended up with what I am told was the equivalent of a B-cup. This is significantly smaller than the E-cup I was wearing before my surgery, but after 9 months of going flat, they felt enormous! Of course, I took them for a spin as soon as I got home, trying them with most of my wardrobe and at that point I had a revelation that took me by surprise: for many outfits, the presence or absence of breasts didn't make a lot of difference. Some styles looked better, some styles didn't but it certainly made me realise why so few people even notice that I am breastless. That in itself is quite encouraging. Anyway, I thought I would share with you some photos of my experiments so you can have a visual comparison of how various outfits look with or without breasts. I have put the prosthetics versions on the left of the screen.


                           Knit and skirt:Veronika Maine
This is an outfit I worn to a daytime wedding a few weeks ago, sans breasts. I don't think the prosthetics actually improve this look. Wearing the prosthesis actually required adjusting the neckline to cover the bra staps and I prefer the wider neckline I could wear going flat.

                                                        Top:Cue
                                                        Jeans:Just Jeans
                                                        Sandals:Joanne Mercer 
I don't think it is obvious which is which, although in real life I felt that the prosthesis broke up the drape of the top and made me look a bit larger across the shoulders.

Top:Cue

Jeans:7 For All Mankind

Shoes: Joanne Mercer

Now, this is where I think prosthetics really come into their own. A slim-fitting jersey knit gives you nowhere to hide and my husband is a big fan of the hourglass look that prosthetics worn with this type of top provides.

 

I must confess that I have never worn my pretend breasts out of the house. I feel a bit awkward about creating an illusion that I am so aware is false. I know that rationally this makes no sense, as at some level most of fashion is about creating illusions; however, those illusions don't have the same sexual connotations that breasts have. In any case, it is nice to know I have options and on days when I am feeling sorry for my self and feeling like nothing looks good anymore, it is good to remind myself that I can choose to appear however I wish. Which, ironically, was not an option when I had real breasts!

 

 

Hello again

It's hard to believe that it has been nearly 6 months since my last post. Suffice to say, I think in my haste to try and re-establish my life and reclaim the aspects that I had put on hold after my diagnosis, I may have bitten off more than I could chew! I also found that whilst physical recovery happened quite quickly, the emotional stuff takes a bit longer, especially as it invariably involves renegotiating relationships. Anyway, this semester I have taken one fewer subject at Uni, decided to try and keep work to four days a week and made a list of the things I find enjoyable and fulfilling, and promised myself to do more of those! Fashion definitely made the list and that realisation gave me the push I needed to give this blog some love.

I have heard a number of women comment that they find post-mastectomy dressing easier in winter, because they can layer. Unfortunately, that hasn't been my experience. I usually want to wear long-sleeved T-shirt styles, layered under jumpers, a combination that is fairly close-fitting. Whilst it is warm and comfortable it is not especially flattering so I was keen to find a few work-arounds for situations where I think I will feel self-conscious. Of course, wearing a scarf is always a good option but sometimes I want a simpler look.

My basic winter casual uniform. Flat and fabulous.

Top:Trenery

Jeans:Country Road

Sneakers:Sketchers

One of the my favourite items from summer was my cropped top, and I was very happy to see that the cropped trend has continued into winter (and now in the new Spring fashion hitting the store). I plan to stock up on this trend, because I can see myself wearing it even when it is not trendy anymore: it covers up my chest, it provides a bit of extra warmth over my torso and it finishes at waist level, so I have the option of emphasising my waist with a belt, or hiding it under a longer shirt layered under the crop as I have done today.

                                                       Crop top:Veronika Maine

Another style I have embraced is the drapey knit. I was not convinced about these when I first saw them in shops as I was concerned that they would be too thin to provide much warmth. However, I have actually been very comfortable when I have worn this as an outer layer, and I think the soft folds look quite arty and interesting.

                                                               Knit: Veronika Maine

And of course, if I am going to be outside, I always have the option of a coat to layer over the top. This jacket was my winter splurge. It is wool and is very warm and comfortable. It is a casual style, but I think that the straight cut and the breast pockets look good on a straighter figure. I have found this winter to be very cold. I'm not sure if it has actually been colder this year, or if it has been the effect of less insulation on my body but whatever the cause, this coat has been very welcome.

                          I feel a bit like the Fonz in this. Ehhhh. And I need a haircut!
                                                           Short coat: Cue
How do you stay warm and comfortable in winter? Are you a fan of lots of layers? See you next week!